Friendships While Adulting

Friendship is one of the most important, influential, ever evolving relationships a woman ever has in her life, especially with other women. We inherently seek comradery, and when it's found, we're unstoppable. But as we grow up and our lives and outlooks evolve, the requirements for friendships evolve, too. If a friendship is going to stand the tests of time, it must be because a purpose is being served that is mutually beneficial. Friendships while adulting, though, can be hard. Between boyfriends/husbands, kids, jobs, emails (ugh), and trying to watch a TV show or two, communication with friends suddenly becomes tougher and tougher to maintain. That's why, I believe, our number of friends begins to dwindle as we grow up. Age and experience teach us who we are, what we want, and what we need, and those friendships of convenience are no longer convenient.  The purpose that those types of friendships served no longer exists. Seasons.

So how do you define friendships as an adult? What are the "requirements"? I believe the friendship must serve a purpose. A hole must be filled by our discourse, interactions, and how we respect each other when the other isn't around. I believe the ultimate goal with friendships as adults is to find your crew. Your partners in life. Your core. The ones you can call crying in the middle of the night about a man and get a listening ear and no judgement. The ones you can turn up with. The ones you can problem solve with. The ones who call you out on your crap (always from a place of love). The ones who understand who you are, how you are, and instead of loving you in spite of it, love you more because of it.

One of the bigger issues I've noticed with others and with myself is that adulting can make you feel out of the loop. Life never stops coming, and trying to figure out how to deal with it while being present for your friends is no longer easy. But that's what shows you if your friendships, your commitment to being the listening ear, the necessary comic relief, the therapist, or just a shoulder to cry on is actually important to you. Do you at least try to check in with your friends, even if it's just once a week? Do you respond to texts that day, even if it's hours later? Do you look at the phone when a friend calls and ignore it? How much effort are you really putting into maintaining your friendships and your role in them? These are the things I'm asking myself. I must admit, I'm not as present as I'd like to be. The blessing, though, is that those closest to me know this, understand, and give me grace when I don't answer the phone or when Marco Polo messages go unread for days on end.

In the grand scheme of friendships, I think we all want the same core things: to be loved as the flawed humans we are, to feel valued, and to enjoy the company we're in. It's a roller coaster ride, but you can be sure that as life keeps coming, your real friends will be screaming at the top of their lungs right next to you.