Listen, Santa...

Dear Santa,

Ok, so listen...despite evidence to the contrary, I believe I should be on the nice list this year! My son is in school and church every week. His dad and I make sure he plays a sport. We've managed to keep another human alive for 4 years now. That alone deserves some credit, right?

Anyway, I know you're busy and Dora has almost made it to her last stop, so I'll get down to it.

1. I'd love some ideas on how to distract my son from the toy section in Target.

2. How about stronger arms and a stronger back? I have a 4 year old that regularly gets mistaken for a Kindergartener, so I'm sure you can imagine the strength necessary to pick him up daily. If it helps, I have plenty of fat near my elbows that you can use to make biceps.

3. If it's not too much, I could really use some bells attached to my son's feet. Apparently either my family or my husband's family is part ninja, and turning around at 1a and 5a to a kid staring at you is going to land somebody in the hospital one of these days.

4. Could you declare chips a vegetable?

5. Maybe you could get the elves to work on a prototype for a wallet that produces money whenever you open it. I guarantee you I'd never ask for anything else.

6. A never ending roll of toilet paper would be great.

Oh, and while we're talking about bathrooms,

7. I'd really love a self cleaning toilet seat. One that senses the pee and bleaches itself. Actually, if you could do the entire bathroom this way, that'd be phenomenal.

8. A self stocking fridge, a self packing lunchbox...basically a strong, independent kitchen that doesn't need anybody's help.

9. Could you install carpets in the car that clean juice spills, expel goldfish and cracker crumbs whenever the doors open, and bounce dropped toys back into my toddler's lap, please?

10. If you're performing miracles this year, I'd really appreciate a toddler that likes bedtime...but that might be impossible, even for you.

Sorry I won't have cookies set out for you. My son has the nose of a bloodhound, so they're hidden in the one place he'd never look: behind the canned vegetables.

Well, Dora and Boots are singing "We Did It!", so my time is up. Thanks!

Sincerely,

B.Y.S.